Nice is not the same as safe
Sep 27
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Seven people around the table. A plate of cinnamon buns goes round. You put the new process on the screen. Two of the steps will not work. At least three people can see it. Someone says it looks good. Someone else reaches for a second bun. The meeting ends ten minutes early. Everyone agrees it was a good one.
Arbetsmiljöverket, the Swedish Work Environment Authority, wanted to know how common silence is at work. Erica Nordlander, a sociologist at the University of Gothenburg, presented the results.
Just over a quarter of employees describe a culture of silence. Three in ten have kept quiet about a problem they should have raised. And 41 percent say their manager doesn't listen when someone does speak up.
The researchers also looked at what drives the silence. One answer was norms about avoiding a bad atmosphere. They call it a niceness culture. I think it's the most important line in the report.
Just over a quarter of employees describe a culture of silence. Three in ten have kept quiet about a problem they should have raised. And 41 percent say their manager doesn't listen when someone does speak up.
The researchers also looked at what drives the silence. One answer was norms about avoiding a bad atmosphere. They call it a niceness culture. I think it's the most important line in the report.
Amy keeps the peace
Your brain has a security guard. I usually call her Amy. Her oldest job is to keep you inside the group. For most of human history, being pushed out of the pack meant dying. So Amy watches your place among the people around you, all day long.
Your brain has a security guard. I usually call her Amy. Her oldest job is to keep you inside the group. For most of human history, being pushed out of the pack meant dying. So Amy watches your place among the people around you, all day long.
In that meeting, Corty spotted the broken steps straight away. She is the thinking part behind the forehead. In at least three heads, she had the sentence ready. That step won't work.
But before a sentence leaves anyone's mouth, Amy checks it. Will this cost me my place here? In most teams a small disagreement passes her check. In a team where the unwritten rule is to keep the mood good, it doesn't. Now disagreeing means breaking the rule. Amy pricks up her ears. She reads the sentence as a risk to belonging and pulls the brake.
So the words stay in. Corty did her job. Amy did hers too. She kept each of them safe in the group. The process went live with two broken steps.
What the team learns from you
The niceness norm is only half of it. The other half is the 41 percent who say their manager doesn't listen. Most of us are sure we belong in the other 59 percent.
The niceness norm is only half of it. The other half is the 41 percent who say their manager doesn't listen. Most of us are sure we belong in the other 59 percent.
Seen from the team, listening isn't about your intentions. It's about the moment right after someone speaks. A problem gets raised. You say "let's take that offline". You glance at the clock and move to the next item. Nobody meant any harm.
But every Amy around the table noticed. She draws a simple conclusion. Speaking up here costs something and changes nothing.
In my book I write about congruence, whether your actions match your words. When they don't, it creates a small friction that plants a seed of doubt. A leader who says "my door is always open" and then moves on fast is that friction. The team stops testing the door. People learn to say what they think you want to hear.
Count who speaks upIn your next three meetings, write down each time someone says something won't work. Note the name. If it's the same two people, or nobody, you have a quiet team. It doesn't matter how good the mood is.
Then change the moment after. The next time someone raises a problem, thank them before you answer. Ask one more question about it. Later, tell the team what you did with it. That last step is the one most of us skip. After a month, count again. You're looking for one new name.
A good atmosphere is worth protecting. The trouble starts when people protect the mood instead of the work. Think back to the last meeting where the buns went round and everyone agreed. Who at that table knew something and kept it to themselves?
A good atmosphere is worth protecting. The trouble starts when people protect the mood instead of the work. Think back to the last meeting where the buns went round and everyone agreed. Who at that table knew something and kept it to themselves?
/ Maria